Today had the potential to be a very bad day. Luckily, I was able to redeem myself and turn it around. As anyone who knows me would tell you, I am a strong personality. Through my journey of therapy I have been able to remove my own personalizing out of the equation and take a step back from it. Usually, I am an in your face, take it or leave it kind of personality. While I will admit that this has played a part in some of my life successes, it is not always the right approach. I usually also took most things personal and was quick to get defensive. While I will probably always struggle with this, I feel that I now have some good tools in my arsenal that will help me. My most recent struggle with this newly learned technique happened this afternoon.
I have the privilege to be a foster mom to a wonderful sixteen year old girl named Kassy. It is beyond crazy the similarities that we share in personalities and behaviors. Kassy has been in state custody for almost four years, and simply put she has not had the opportunity to have stability in her life. For youth in this position it is quite common for them to rebel against authority. It is difficult in our unique situation. When you bring two strong personalities together some form of flexibility is required. I was blessed with an epiphany this afternoon. Every thing does not have to be black or white. Flexibility does not have to mean that you cannot retain your own ideas and opinions. I learned that flexibility, for me, means that I am willing to try a different angle. I have spoken to Kassy on several occasions about perception. One person's perception can differ significantly from the other members of the conversation. This particular "incident" stemmed from respect. Kassy and I have made progress with mutual respect, but at times she struggles to communicate her feelings in a positive and respectful way. I had offered to purchase some pants for Kassy at DI. When she asked when we could go and get them I told her that we would try and go today after I picked her up from school. On our way out of the house I noticed that it had begun to snow and hail pretty heavily. Now, I am a southern girl...I was not really prepared for snow, and I definitely did not want to go shopping in that kind of weather. As we were getting in the car to take her to school I told her that we would go to DI tomorrow when the weather was a little better. One of the main reasons for going tomorrow was the fact that I had to drive the truck. Because I am not tall enough to see the front end I have difficulty parking. This means that I usually have to park in the back lot where there are fewer cars. This would mean that I had to take a pretty good hike to get to the front door. Kassy's first reaction was to rebel against my authority, but beyond that she tried to manipulate the situation so she could get her way. Basically, she told me that she wouldn't have wanted to go to school if she wouldn't have been able to go to the DI. Long story slightly shortened . . . I took a deep breath and was actually able to remove my own feelings from the situation. Having done this I still felt that I needed to address the issue of her attitude. When we were pulling into the driveway I tried to calmly talk to Kassy about my concerns. As soon as I put the truck in park she threw herself out of the vehicle in mid sentence. I'm not sure if I am making sense, but I was quite proud of my ability to address this issue from a non-personal stand point. The end result was that we had some great communication between the two of us. We were able to come to an mutual agreement and understanding. I began this day with a prayer that would help me communicate with Kassy in a more positive way. During our conversation I truly felt Heavenly Father's guidance. I titled my blog "A Wonderful Struggle" because through my personal struggles I have learned some wonderful lessons. I have been blessed with an understanding that my struggles have been to teach me a lesson. As silly as this might sound, I am grateful for my struggles.
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