Vacation Request . . .

My life feels like it is in dire need of a vacation.  Even just sitting down to type this out my mind is racing in a hundred different directions.  I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am on the right path.  Some days though my path seems to have more rocks and rigid terrain for me to navigate through.  Am I weak for feeling weighed down??  I always believed that a strong woman could handle whatever the world could throw at her.  I know now that is not the case.  A true strong woman and man for that case is someone who put in their best efforts forward then asks for help making up the difference.  I have learned that to truly be humble you have to be vulnerable.  You have to be willing to ask for help in whatever form is necessary.  I have had issues with asking for help my entire life.  I felt that if I needed to ask for help that I was weak.  If I couldn't do it on my own then it wasn't worth doing.  I understand now that is not the case.  Anything that is worth doing is worth asking for help.  I have come to realize that I am worth that effort.  My own dreams are worth fighting for. 

My life right now is taking some curious twists and turns.  I am a wife . . . sometimes it is the loneliest job in the world, at least for me.  I am a very social personality.  When I managed the copy center I was thrilled to have wonderful interactions with so many different people.  My husband is the hardest working man I have ever met.  He goes to work everyday and puts in 100% of everything he has to make sure he can support his family ( I don't support the idea that someone can put in more than 100% because it is mathematically impossible).  Have you heard of the five languages of love??  Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, Physical Touch.  My husband doesn't exemplify any of these languages in their entirety.  He does portray some in part of each.  So, I argue that there is an sixth language, The Hard-Worker.  My dear husband shows his love for me and our family by going to work day in and day out.  He pushes harder and harder so I can stay home and raise our beautiful family.  While some days I would love to receive some more of the other languages . . . a new diamond would always be nice . . . the magic behind the five love languages is that you learn how to read your partner's language.  I am learning that I need to accept how my husband shows me affection, even if it is not exactly in my own language.  I love my husband dearly, and I am so grateful that he shows me how much he loves me every day he goes to work. 

Being a foster parent is sometimes very difficult for me.  I have a passion to help these kids.  I was talking to my sixteen year old foster daughter last night about how I will never stop investing myself into her and any other foster child I might have.  She tried to convince me that I would eventually stop caring.  I vow right now that if that is ever the case I will not be a foster parent anymore.  If this job ever begins to become a job to me I will not allow myself to do it anymore.  Yes, I get paid to be a foster parent.  That payment only is there to enable me to do this great work.  If I could afford to I would do it without compensation but alas I cannot.  I want to be able to make an impact to these kids.  Now, I am not completed diluted to think that I will be able to do that in every case, but I know that every child is worth the effort.  I have learned a valuable lesson to truly not take their pain personal, but some days I am unable to stop feeling a deep pain and sorrow for what they have gone through.  I know that in some way I will impact every child that is placed with me.  I just need the strength to not pressure myself to "fix them".  These children do not need to be fixed, they just need to be loved.  That . . . I can offer unconditionally.